Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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