Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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