his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
