so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
