margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
