its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
