if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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