do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
