He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
