hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
high people should be assigned attendants
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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