This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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