dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
