if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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