Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
