This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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