Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
