Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
