onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Randomize
