I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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