Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
