My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
