The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
