i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
