just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He felt like a one man threesome
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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