Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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