ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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