my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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