You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
