maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
