three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
