I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
