I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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