No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
