I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
