I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
