Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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