He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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