i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
