I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
