Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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