omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
