No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
