You can't motorboat a personality
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
