I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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