your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
