Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
