just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
