Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
