Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
