you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
