WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
