hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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