it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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