Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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