very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
