My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
