i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
