I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
