meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
