I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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