please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
