My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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