I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
