there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
