I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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