We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
