Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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