smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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