You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Do vagina's smell?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
