No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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