I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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