I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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