do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
