My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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