Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
His hands were made for my vagina.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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