So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
